You know what I am going to speak very candidly here because since the whole corona virus pandemic started I have been trying so hard, fighting the fight to stay positive and keep it moving forward but yesterday really was just too much! Throughout this whole scenario I have been advocating structure, routine, positive behaviours, employing tactics to give you that feel good factor but yesterday I just could not get out of bed. I felt so desperately low and depressed I simply could not move. I also felt paralysed by fear in that I wanted something to alleviate the pain and so I was craving like crazy! Not to worry I haven’t relapsed, I have now hit my fifteen month milestone. I just had a really difficult day.
The reason for me sharing my depressive episode is to let other sufferers know that they are not alone. I am a strong believer in allowing myself to feel the way that I feel. For a short period it is ok to withdraw, you do not always need approval or validation from outside sources. Although, I realise that endless negative feelings are enervating and so I manage this by allowing myself to have a bad afternoon or a down day. Once that time is up I try to push my mind into a different territory. It doesn’t always work but I try. I keep trying because when it does work I realise how lucky I am, grateful for the people and things that I have in my life.
Granted some days will be more difficult than others. But what I think is key is to focus on the positives, even if that means getting up and making your bed. Eat nutritious food and drink more water, keep hydrated. Even if it means that you just take a shower that day. What I’m trying to communicate is that when you are feeling low, all of these things are victories even if they may appear small or minor to other people. Taking care of amenities is a triumph and hopefully if you stack those wins you will start to feel better, even if only a little bit.
Also, know that tomorrow is a fresh start and I have to say that today I am feeling a lot better. I took a gentle stroll into town to pick up my medication, the fresh air and sun on my face was soothing. Simple pleasures. Getting back I am now journaling, expressing my feelings and communicating with you guys. What also helps me is knowledge. The news can be emotionally draining and can aggravate anxiety but it is important for me to educate myself. I am allowing myself to feel anxiety but not allow it to progress into paranoia. I have made a conscious effort not to consume complete corona virus news. Usually at the end of a day I will just do a quick Google search so that I know what is going on in the world with regard to that specific subject.
Isolating alone I plan on occupying myself today with a book I am reading ‘The Natural Way Of Things’ by Charlotte Wood, listening to some podcasts and just generally taking it easy. We are living in unprecedented times and you don’t need to be productive to feel worthy. I saw a quote that really resonated with me ”You’re only unproductive by the standards of the world we lived in two months ago, that world is gone now!” Let’s just do what we can and not be too hard on ourselves. Lets be gentle and kind to ourselves at this difficult time.
This is a period in which we need to cope in the best way we can. There are moments when our spirits will deplete. Moments when we feel tired of doing very little at all. Just know that it is ok and that things will get better. We are living in very uncertain times and it would be abnormal to not feel shook! Just take one day at a time, set small goals. One thing I think is of paramount importance is that we reach out. Connect and call friends and family, don’t text call them. Even better, FaceTime loved ones and spend time just talking, share a laugh.
I wish you all the health, wellbeing, strength and as many moments of calm and tranquillity as possible.